sometimes i think life is hard ... and for some reason i forgot that the bible said i will suffer once i became a believer. and that gets me thinking why in the world is this whole deal about following Jesus really worth it? like, there has to be something i'm missing. piper talks about delighting in God and how God is most glorified when i am most satisfied in Him. but this delight, this joy, this satisfaction must be deeper than being happy with circumstances ... if we are supposed to have joy in trials and all. i think about my life and the lives of my friends and how we are all trying to love God but we don't really know what we are doing and often get stuck in a place with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. i've tried many things ... seeking advice from someone who is older so "they should have it all figured out," studying my brains out and trying to figure out a way to fix my own problems, sweeping it under the rug and hoping no one will notice, beating myself up and trying harder ... but yesterday in the midst of some sisters in Christ ... we began to pray. we didn't pray because we thought it was more holy than other things or anything like that. we decided to pray because there was no other option. praying is probably not supposed to be the last resort, but it sure is a good thing our God is full of grace and patience. i'm not saying that some of the other things i listed are all bad all the time, but to discover more and more God's deep love for us (even in painful sanctification) gives me a glimpse of hope and a taste of that deep satisfaction in Him alone.
I cry out
For Your hand of mercy to heal me
I am weak
I need Your love to free me
Oh Lord, my rock
My strength in weakness,
Come rescue me, oh Lord
You are my hope,
Your promise never fails me
And my desire
Is to follow You forever.
For You are good
For You are good
For You are good to me.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
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