poverty

so i took a walk ... i love walks but find myself taking more walks than normal because i don't really know what to do with myself in omaha yet. but as i was walking around my neighborhood and up to the ymca i walk by the south omaha projects which is low income housing. pretty much my whole neighborhood screams low income. there's a huge diversity of people (if i look deep down i don't even like diversity ... i like to be with things that are familiar and comfortable)... i don't even know where they're all from. while walking i was thinking about how badly i want to fit. fit in omaha, fit at my job, fit in my neighborhood, fit at my church, etc. it made me think ... do i want to fit because it will be more comfortable for me? or do i want to fit because it to build relationships and love these people? and oh how i just long to be somewhere more comfortable for me. i'm even running away to my home (for only part of the weekend :)) to be in a more comfortable place. i go to work at a place called mosaic community development. ... they work with community development in a christian, love jesus, kinda way. but really i have no idea what that really means. as i was walking my natural reaction was "oh i should pray" ... so i was like God i pray for these people. i pray that ... ya totally speechless. like i don't even know what to pray. i believe that our prayers reflect our theology. i don't know if its possible that i have no theology on the issues i am faced with in a city and at MCD, but i sure feel like i have little to say about these complex and real issues. so many college students label themselves "poor college students" ... if i have ever claimed that label i was so wrong. it's just no comparision. even now as an americorps vista earning little over the poverty threshold...i am still rich. i don't have generations and generations of history living in poverty. i have a college education and could get a ton of different jobs if i wanted. the only reason i'm not making a lot of money now is because i choose it. i picked the job. i knew it was coming ... and in reality my parents still pay for my phone and some gas and some food and clothes, etc. spoiled brat or blessed i'm not sure. what an interesting year this will be ... there is room for great growth! for God to open my eyes and change my heart. i have little to teach and much to learn here.

MCD ... ya that's where i work now

so day three of work has come and gone. it seems like i've been there a long time (that's just how long the days have been) but when i just typed the word three it was kind of shocking. like a reality check or something that even though i feel so defeated ... and/or aimless in my task ... it's really only been three days. it's been good but hard ... perhaps like so much of life. i'm beginning to see what they do and why they do it and how i'm going to fit into it. currently they are starting up a couple main programs so everything is changing. part of me is like man on man why do i have to come into this when no one knows what they are doing ... but the other part of me is like ... wow we are all just fumbling around trying to love God and love people the best we know how. everything's new for me .... i don't know what i'm doing signing up to be a grant writer, living and driving in omaha, grocery shopping, living on a tight budget, making friends, pretty much communicating with people at all, trying to dress myself every morning to go to work, working 9-5, not living on campus or with people i know ... ya pretty much all of it-turned upside down. but i must remind myself over and over again that life is a process, a journey, and that's not bad... it's actually quite good and should be enjoyable. what an adventure of finding out more about who God is and who i am and how to love people and function day to day. i'm entering this year wobbling between scared out of my mind and so excited for what God is going to do. it's going to be good ... and hard ... but good.

oh and if you want to know more about Mosaic Community Development ... i'd be glad to chat :) especially as i continue to learn more

day 2

day 2 in omaha . . . i made it to church (check it out at cdomaha.com) and found some people who invited me to a small group so i went. once again ... only one wrong turn before i made it there, but i did make it home alright :). it's always interesting going to a new or different church ... well, because they do things different than i'm used to. it was good though. they are on this series about renewal ... which is weird for me to have topical sermons instead of oh this is the word ... but the last series they did was on mark so perhaps there's a variety. today we talked about repenting (the whole turning from sin thing)... why and how and for what and that stuff. one thing that stuck out was we don't have to repent from temptation, despair, or guilt (the false guilt that people do to manipulate you). then at 1 i went with joleen to a baby shower for our neighbor. needless to say i've been meeting lots of new people already. perhaps it's time for a nap ... then figuring out the bus schedule before i go to work tomorrow morning.

the adventure begins ... or continues really

here's my new home ... after dropping bjo off at the airport i only took one wrong turn getting there the first time by myself. when i arrived joleen (the lady i'm living with) took me on a tour of the town. we were planning on ending up at Mosaic for a concert, but evidently the website was wrong or something because we missed it. instead we went out to eat at the bohemian restaurant on 13th street. i ate some crazy stuff with dumblings and joleen and i shared a beer and a bunch of rye bread. then i organized my room and we stuck in a movie ... city of joy. her grandson came to chill with us for awhile, he's about one and wasn't too happy to be here. it is amazing to see the pain on her face when he isn't happy and the joy on her face when he's happy. i'm off to a church tomorrow i've been waiting to check out for a long time so i'm pretty excited. then i start working at Mosaic monday morning!