Rhythms of Grace

I just can't get enough of this song . . . and it brings me back to wanting to be more caught in the rhythms of grace than I currently am. 
Enjoy!

Verse 1
My life is a light for Your cause
My will laid aside for Your call
And reserved are the depths of my heart
Only for You
Verse 2
I'm caught in the rhythms of grace
They overcome all of my ways
Realigning each step everyday
To live for Your glory
Chorus 1
There's none beside You God
There's none beside You God
Verse 3
You're there in the dark of the night
While holding the sun and it's light
Through the triumph and trials alike
There's no-one beside You
Verse 4
Your voice called the stars by their name
'Cause You whispered them all to their place
To testify to Your wonder and praise
Both now and forever
Chorus 2
There's none beside You God
There's none beside You God
I love my life to shine Your light
'Cause there's none beside You God
Bridge
No eye has seen
No ear has heard
The depths of Your love, Lord
No mind can fathom
The love You deserve
How great You are

my prayer this week in a song by elevation worship

Verse:
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life

Pre-Chorus:
All I am,
I surrender

Chorus:
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life

Verse 2:
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

Chorus

Bridge:
I may be weak
Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will (repeat)

Chorus 2x

Bridge

God's faithfulness at a funeral

i went to a funeral today for my friend's mom. she was just 51 years old. but oddly enough i walked out praising God and singing these words

Great is Your faithfulness
Great is Your faithfulness
You never change
You never fail, O God

True are Your promises
True are Your promises
You never change
You never fail, O God

So we raise up holy hands
To praise the Holy One
Who was and is and is to come

Wide is Your love and grace
Wide is Your love and grace
You never change
You never fail, O God

You were, You are
You will always be

my friend's brother stood up and read these verses ...

Isaiah 55:8-9

⁸For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
^9(A) For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

and then her brother said God has always been faithful to our family every day ... and today is no different.

how great is it that instead of doubting God or blaming Him this family can cling to Him just as their mom modeled all through her life? Our God is just that good ... and it continues to amazes me! yes there's pain and grief and tears, but God is still good. He is still the promise keeper. He is still the lover of our souls. the funeral made me think about a lot of things ... but i praise God that i could walk out of there trusting Him more and not less.

new additions to the house

my grad students came and hung out for the first time at my new house for some enchiladas and dominoes. they graciously brought me these items. there's an amazing lowe's gift card in the cute little tool box ... which can also work as a lunch box for a mini pbj we decided

one night last week Deb and I thought it would be a good idea to get a fire pit. so ... off to lowe's! we started a fire, put the fire pit together, roasted some marshmallows, and decided that my house would be smokey for the rest of the summer since our clothes were super campfire ish. a few days later i came home and Deb had brought these chairs and little table from her parents' home. score!

this is a cheap basketball for my hoop. if anyone wants to shoot hoops ... come on over!!

i bought a 2 step step ladder when my parents where here because ... let's face it ... i'm short... so short that a week later when my parents were up again my dad was kind enough to buy a 3 step step ladder and trade me for my 2 stepper ... thanks Dad!

Four doors down on the curb is where i found this great find. yet to determine if it really works ... but it says it does so that's got to be a plus.

this is the free lawn mower just delivered tonight by a friend's grandpa who i just met last night at .... pizza ranch in story city! thanks grandpa Paul!!

Feel free to come over and enjoy!!

Thanks God for providing all i need and more. You are too good to me!

a work in progress

so my dad had to tell me rome wasn't built in a day ... and it's something i have had to keep in mind since buying a new house and having my never ending to do list as well as my "i should process this" list explode. but here it is so far .... God's work in progress that he graciously gave me to be a steward of

and yes ... they did leave the basketball hoop!

here's the back of the house ... where i have spent some time since it's getting warm! woot woot for spring. i got a random grill that was on the curb about 4 houses down so i'm excited to fire it up and toss the frisbee around

here's the living room upstairs

the kitchen/dining/living

the sunroom

my reading nook

someday i will put shelves in that big opening that used to be a door and fill it up with books

the den downstairs ... just like home since all the furniture is from my parents' home

my office ... not complete without a wipe off board

the other side of the office

my room ... also much like home since the set up and the furniture are from my childhood.

so ya ... that's my house so far. please come see it and hang out anytime! i would love to share it with you.

lent

it's interesting when lent rolls around. growing up we had lenten suppers and services ... but we weren't those people who gave up candy or pop or anything for lent. but when i came to college at first cornerstone didn't even mention lent and then easter came without thought and meditation. the day came and went and my heart wasn't super affected. bummer. recently they started talking about lent a bit more and how it's good to give something up that gets in the way of knowing God more. not getting rid of eating dessert or drinking pop because that's a good goal and perhaps i should eat less sugar or intake less caffeine anyway in order to loose weight or be less dependent on caffeine ... but to give up something and replace it with something that brings me closer to the one true God who gave up his son in order for me to live the life i was intended.

so a couple years ago i gave up watching movies for lent ... and i come around to this year ... unfortunately i have the same problem i had a couple years ago. movies are my default. i come home and if i have nothing to do i watch a movie. cable is crazy .... i rarely watched tv until my sr. year of college ... and tv isn't all bad. but sometimes i just waste time in front of the tv watching things that aren't encouraging me to think about things that are good and right and true and helpful. last weekend at the saturday night service at cornerstone we talked about the surpassing worth of knowing Christ and that Paul counted all things loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus. if that is true (and it's in the bible so you know ... ) then it makes the decision quite easy to give up movies until easter ... it is not a sacrifice then because knowing Christ is so much better than anything else.

interesting though ... i still didn't make the final decision until today. i haven't watched any movies since ash wednesday (leaving my options open) but i didn't commit. and why? if it's so much BETTER for me to just cut off one of the main things that distracts me from God in this season of my life why would it be hard to make the commitment? and then my ugly heart comes out ... i would give up movies for God, but would i give up movies knowing that i will have to explain why i am giving up movies? that's the kicker ... am i ashamed of letting it be known that i am actually seeking to know God? that knowing him is important enough to give up something that is fun but really hasn't been that beneficial when i look back over the past few years? am i concerned that people will get the wrong message and i'm just doing this out of legalism ... just trying to be a better christian or something? and perhaps people will always misunderstand, but God knows my heart and i don't have to be ashamed to be honest when answering questions.

glimpse into my heart that needs God to continue to make it new .... crazy that i would give something up for God but hide that from the world. not like i need to proclaim it from the mountain tops or anything, but what a bummer to be tempted to lie about it ... for what? approval? comfort? .... lame

so it's official ... i am excited to give up watching movies until Easter in anticipation that God will use those extra hours in my week to know and love God more! (and when i fail, which i will, He is there ready to pour the grace of His gospel on me).

happy lent my friends! happy lent!

important but not-so-urgent

i went to this supervisory workshop back awhile ago and they taught me about this thing called Covey's time management matrix (i didn't know that was what it was called until google so kindly helped me out 30 seconds ago). so i was rummaging through my file folders at work this week (while trying to rearrange my life) and ran across my notes about this matrix. there's four different quadrants to help you prioritize effectively ... important/urgent (must be dealt with now-i must react to the crisis)... important/not urgent (the happy place where things are planned and i am proactive-this is where we should try to be) ... not important/urgent (phone calls, emails, interruptions)... not important/not urgent (wasting time, busy work, trivial).

the barn is my sweet spot. i like it. it's comfortable and often highly enjoyable. i've ended up in the office for almost 2 weeks straight. and i feel as if the office brings out the worst in me (well perhaps the lab does, but i haven't been there enough to know). after being a crazy busy barn filled 50 hr/wk work week January ... i entered into this odd time in the office with little animal work on my to do list (which often ends up as high priority). it's been really showing me how challenging it is for me to be in that important/not urgent quadrant of Covey's matrix. i don't know if it's because i enjoy being just busy enough that i can leave the less desirable things in the parking lot (just waiting for me to have time) and have a legit excuse why they are still sitting there. ... or if i just can't see the long term benefits perfecting things like standard operating procedures and our all too new purchase order system or processes to ensure data integrity and completeness.

it's interesting for me to see (and this week it's been slamming me in the face) what an uphill battle it really is to be in that important/not urgent quadrant. if something is urgent ... i'm there. i'll be emailing at 10pm and in the barn at 6am ... it's important and urgent let's figure it out and getter done. emails pop up ... i answer. grad students walk in ... i chat (and love it). interruptions occur ... i get distracted. urgent but not so important perhaps. trivial ... unfortunately i'm probably not that bad at this quadrant either. but man!! important and not urgent ... but faithfulness in the little things that will make a difference in the long run. .... it's a fight to be there. and i guess it shouldn't surprise me at all. it's never natural to fall into good, effective, quality, beneficial. just like if left alone i will fall into sin, not out of it.

so what is important? and how does important surpass urgent? (okay if there's a fire i should still put it out ... but there's still something to be said about fire prevention ... instead of fire fighting)

and perhaps it will always be a fight. and perhaps remembering some battles are worth fighting is part of that fight.

vacation part 3

we ate sooo much dessert! it was excellent! this was friday at noon ... just getting started with forced family fun

we ended up just borrowing a fire pit from adam's friend. it worked great. we found out that both my sister in laws loved there marshmallows burnt to a crisp ... i guess they aren't 100% converted to being chipmans yet. but we still love them!

adam borrowed a projector from his church so we projected a movie onto our garage door. aunt pat, grandma, and mom stayed in the car because it was chilly out. we put the subtitles on so they could still follow along without the neighbors hearing it :)

saturday we headed down to brownville, ne to have an hour boat ride on the spirit of brownville. grandma even came with! then we stopped at a winery to taste wine and ate at rick's cafe and boatyard in omaha.

here we are ready to get on a boat ride in the missouri river.

sunday afternoon adam, anne, and i played basketball at the new wellness center. i was a bit rusty at first, but we only lost 8 to 15 (so we had 3 people and the winning team only had 2 but whatever ....)

sunday night grandma, grandpa, and aunt cathy came over to hang out. we ended up in a hopping game of tripoly.

vacation part 2

out with the treehouse, in with a fire pit

this is my dad in the tractor and my bro assisting

our treehouse was pretty unsafe due to rotting wood and all so it needed to be taken down anyway.... so tuesday was the day

once upon a time it had a sandbox underneath, but now it's pretty much a weed box. we'll be making a fire there tomorrow night and roasting hot dogs and marshmallows :)

we'll see how it works ... last night while it was pouring i was wondering if we might be eating, watching a movie, and sleeping inside instead of out ... oh well it will still be fun

vacation part 1

yeah for vacation!!

my college roomie had her first baby just in time for me to see him before i left ames. his name is Elijah Joel and I'm stoked to get to know him more as he grows! i'm exited to see Bjo and Curtis learn how to parent!

cute little man

Amy and I went to the zoo. we could tell that it was a monday during the school year since it was us and a ton of people under the age of 5. the animals were way more active than normal which was pretty sweet ... maybe they were exited for smaller crowds-we were.

this is a lemur in a new Madagascar exhibit. you walk in and they can run everywhere (hence the clean you hands sign). it was fun ... they said one of the lemurs escaped a few weeks ago.

Amy and a shark!

The jungle

the gorillas were sooo much fun. i could have watched them all day. one was splashing in the water, another would have knocked a few of my teeth out (or my head off) if there wasn't glass between us, and another spent the whole time we were watching him trying to get something out of his teeth.

let's just say it took us a long time for us to take a pic of ourselves with the giraffes in the background ... but mission accomplished.

cute little 2 month old tiger!

more pics to come .... enjoy!

Staycation

my family was throwing around some thoughts of going on a little vacation to a lake for labor day weekend ... but after thinking about it we decided that we could have just as much fun hanging out at the farm. we wouldn't have to split up like when the gals want to shop and the guys don't etc, and we could get by a bit cheaper since we wouldn't have to pay for housing (that was before the idea of t-shirts and our own personalized bags including all the supplies needed like sunscreen, bug repellent, frisbees, snacks, and whatever else we need for a fun time at the farm ... so we'll see what actually happens and if we actually save money or not). my dad was planning on tearing down our old tree house anyway so we decided to take it out and make the sandbox under it a fire pit. We also have a great place for camping ... so we'll see it might just me dad and me outside in a tent and the rest in the house (otherwise known as the "lodge"). so far i took pictures around the farm, made a brochure, and schedule of activities (including bonfires, grilling, lessons with grandma to make homemade cinnamon bread, frisbee golf, and lots of hanging out. it should be fun ... my parents and i were having fun anyway!

this is one sleeping option...

and here is another ... our windbreak makes a great campsite for tenting

my parents were pretty excited to get in on the cheesy pics!

our "treehouse" (no really in a tree, but that's what we call it) is soon to be transformed into a fire pit

it should be fun ... just hanging out with my parents, bros, sis-in-laws, aunts, and grandparents for a long weekend. it's official title is Forced Family Fun at the Chipman Family Dude Farm.

they're not perfect, but my heart is still involved

after a lot of thought and prayer i have decided to go back to cornerstone church. as i think about some of the reasons for leaving cornerstone in the first place 6 or so months ago i still think i will wrestle with some of them, but as i jumped into harvest i was challenged with truth that since we live in a fallen world there will be no perfect church... no matter how high my expectations are. this truth makes it hard for me not to be committed to the church that has invested in me for 5 years and where i have grown to be more attached than i once thought. where there was once bitterness and anger, there is now a longing to be involved and be praying for them and the leadership there. just because something is hard shouldn't mean i should just ditch it. i remember blogging about how i didn't want to be one of those stats of churches gaining numbers simply because people who already go to church change churches. i remember thinking that each one of those stats has a person behind it, a face, a story ... and this is mine. maybe there are times to leave, but there are times to stay as well. in both churches there are good and bad things ... the result of a place that loves Jesus, but is full of sinners. so why move from one dysfunctional family to the next? that is what i've been wrestling with and what has brought me to the decision to go back to cornerstone. part of me regrets the decision i made to leave cornerstone and go to harvest, but without jumping in with both feet to a different church how was i to learn valuable lessons of commitment and that there's no perfect church and that jumping around seeking satisfaction instead of digging deep in the problem and being part of the solution perhaps isn't the best solution? maybe it's less about finding the perfect church and more about jumping in and being the church. so if in the future while i'm still in ames i start thinking about leaving cornerstone ... you should call me up and make me sit down and think long and hard about it. not because they have it all together, but because they're my family ... and jesus is present there. if He has grace for them, how can i not?

family

so as many of my friends know i have this craving for community or family within my local church. i think the gospel births this longing, but when i went home this weekend a few of the dots were connected as i was reminded of the way i grew up in my family.

friday night ....

i picked liz up to go home with me since she had no where to go for the 4th of july

drove home (with a few detours to get across the flooded river)

finally got home

grilled, chatted, ate

our neighbor/employee borrowed our van for vacation in MN since their van broke down (and they had been working in our shop all evening)

saturday ...

got up

ran

chatted with my bro between chores

breakfast at the local coffee shop with liz, mom, and dad (where we chatted with the owner of the coffee shop, the mail man, a classmate from high school)

went to a shop and tasted lots of wine and chatted with the 8 people who own/hang out there

stopped by grandma's house to chat

hung out with my mom as she cooked lots of stuff for the festivities the next day

helped dad with some training directions for the farrowing house for a new employee

looked out the window to see small children playing on our swing set

mom and dad left for a class reunion ... so liz and i grabbed some chicken and an avocado for supper, made supper, ate supper, and watched live free or die hard

sunday ....

mom, dad, liz, and i drove to omaha to go to the church i went to when i lived there (and stopped by my aunt's house on the way there)

we ate brunch in the old market

went to my relatives house for a 40th anniversary party ... helped set up for it, chatted on the deck, took a walk around the lake, hung out with relatives i knew, met new relatives, included liz in the family pic, played frisbee with some little girls, my dad, and a pastor relative that we chatted about church planting with, packed up food to take home

watched fireworks

drove home (slept all the way home)

monday ...

woke up, ate, chatted with dad and my bro about farming stuff, chatted with mom about life and friends and facebook

helped mom make brownies for a church something something

got in on a phone call from the local feed supply place in harlan that ran short on soybean meal so asked if they could use ours and replace it tomorrow when it's not a holiday ... dad said sure

ate 1/2 a brownie ... so the pan went in with one missing

grilled, ate, thought about leaving but ....

planned a labor day family staycation instead

was going to leave around 1 but ...

my dad's cousin and his mom and granddaughter (who keeps her show sheep at our house) brought out cinnamon rolls that the granddaughter made to practice for fair ... which we had to stop everything, chat, and eat some!!

then we stopped by grandma again to chat, ended up with some brownies to take home

then we were ... on the road again

all in all a great family time!

it's already done

i've felt there's been a lack of rest in my life lately. i'm just restless. like it's not like i'm not sleeping 8 hours/night or resting on the weekends ... biking and taking long walks, listening to sermons and having fun ... but there's still something that's missing. like soul rest or something. it goes deeper than just not going to work.

unfortunately i'm the kind of person who ...

walks out of work and never got enough done... maybe i should stay late or come early

thinks i can do a ton of stuff and i must do a ton of stuff to grow

gets nervous that in the future i just might fall off the edge and stop growing

is never satisfied, always on a mission, and never does enough

in the past day or two it's really sinking in that ya there's a lot of change to be made in my life, but all that needs to be done to make those changes happen is already done. i can't do anything to make God love me more ... or less than he already does. to grow more or less. IT IS FINISHED. Jesus died on the cross and now i have his righteousness and not my own. he saved me and he will sanctify me in the same way... by grace. Jesus plus nothing. fruit is gradual, inevitable, organic for those who have the spirit. he is in control and not me. he wants my good more than i do ... and he has the power to do it.

cease striving!

the greatest thing is knowing and believing and living in the truth that i have nothing to prove. freedom! joy! rest. soul rest. (and how great is it that he is going to grow me in this area! cuz that's just how great our God it)

perfection

perfection ... is a word i wrestle with and come back to over and over again. God wants total obedience in every commandment with all my heart, soul, mind, actions, emotions, words, ... and yet romans 3 says we all fall short. so maybe the end goal is still total obedience ... but the means is different than trying harder ... maybe it's having our hearts be transformed and become the kind of person who actually obeys from the heart. (http://www.cdomaha.com/resources_list.php?catid=2)

or maybe it's that perfection isn't absolute http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2005/1307_Imperfect_Love_Fulfills_the_Law_and_Pleases_the_PerfectionDemanding_God/ AND http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/1995/4282_Doing_Well_and_Doing_Better/ )

i'm just not sure ... because i'm supposed to have grace and love and hope for change under the gospel (i mean Jesus didn't die for nothing) ... and i guess i have grace and love and hope for change when i fail at having grace for myself or when i respond poorly to my mistakes or when i beat myself up for what i've done wrong. sometimes i think it would just be better if i got it right the first time. but since i know it won't be that way i wish i could be okay with me making mistakes .... and i wish i could realize that that's just how life goes. it just always boggles my mind. i get so dissatisfied with certain things i do or how i respond in situations ... but at this rate will i ever be satisfied? is it good and right to be satisfied with where i'm at and who i am becoming? we are still supposed to kill sin and be distinct from the world. why have divorce rates be the same inside the church as outside? why are nonbelievers often more open and honest? oh the double edged sword of dissatisfaction!

any thoughts ...

i found this interesting ...

If it ain't broke, don't fix it... but if it is - FIX IT!

Albert Einstein once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

this is a blog about youth groups ... i thought it was interesting so i wanted to share it with you all ...

http://keithwatson.blogspot.com/2010/04/culture-of-youth-groups-and-church_20.html

are we really gospel centered?

just walked out of church ... feeling condemned and on the verge of tears once again. for the most part it was a good sermon. a sermon about how the discussion about homosexuality is essential, explosive, and complicated. most christians are labeled haters of homosexuals, judgement, or hypocritical ... not something that reflects Jesus' heart at all. we discussed that one purpose of sex is that it would point to God but because of sin everything is all messed up and often sex doesn't point to God in our culture. sooner or later the worst thing could happen ... He could let us have our way in our love for sin. so what does Jesus' church have to offer all who struggle with homosexuality or anything sexual really (which is probably all people on this planet)? one sexual sin isn't any worse than any other ... it just manifests itself in different ways.

what Jesus offers ....

1. love

2. grace

3. community

4. hope for healing and change

5. self denial (denying some of our urges and desires knowing that God always has the best in mind for us)

and the question that still puzzles me is why did i walk out feeling condemned when i don't struggle with homosexual attraction and why do i feel condemned when there is no condemnation in christ Jesus? why did i walk out swimming in romans 7 without reaching romans 8? if one sin isn't any worse than any other do we have grace and love and hope for healing and change for the critical, judgmental, hypocritical, homosexual hater? or should we condemn them instead of homosexuals? i feel like my heart is so evil ... black and wicked! i feel like i haven't really done the greatest job loving people who have sin that is different than mine (or really just loving people at all)... is there grace and love and hope for change for me? if Jesus offers grace and love and hope to the homosexual he will also offer it to:

the person i have a hard time loving

me when i have a hard time loving that person

the churches that aren't so gospel centered

me when i my heart is angry at those churches

there is love and grace and hope for change because by God's grace our black wicked ugly sinful hearts can be transformed and made new! i pray that the gospel would be on the tip of our tongues, the forefront of our minds, and the depths of our hearts. and i pray that the love and grace and hope for change would create worship. such a beautiful thing ... how do we think we can survive without it? make us gospel centered God!

my parents, a bar, and rugby

background ....

my brother is one of those people who likes to research new and different restaurants. if he picks the place to eat you never know what you are going to get ... if i pick ... welp it's one of three choices that we've all eaten at a million times. awhile ago he took my parents to a german restaurant in downtown des moines for lunch.

how i got to a bar ...

my parents gave me a call and wondered if i wanted to join them in des moines sat night. they were planning to go out to eat with two other couples who had been family friends for a long time ... one had moved away and the other was still in harlan. that sounded fun so i agreed. i was planning to go home friday and come back to ames sat night which would have me go straight though des moines anyway.

the reason we are all hoarse ...

we ended up going to the same german restaurant they had been to once before. it's called the hessen haus .... central iowa's only authentic german beer hall. we get there at 6:30 and find the only open table ... right under the loudest speaker in the place. it was pretty funny but we found ourselves yelling the whole night and cracking jokes about why the old people have to sit under the loudest speaker in the place.

conversations in the bathroom ...

they are famous for this huge boot shaped mug of beer. when my dad went to the bathroom he came back with a story of all the young guys in the bathroom were trying to get him to take the boot drinking challenge .... he simply said he was too old. i think one beer was enough for my dad since he probably drinks 2 a year (it is only feb).

well then i went to the bathroom (it's probably 8:30-9:00 by now)... and you have to walk the whole length of the restaurant to get there. when i came out of the stall i started washing my hands and this woman who was in her upper 20s kept staring at me and didn't go into the open stall i had just vacated. seemed a bit odd, but just keep washing your hands and then get out no prob. she looked at me and said "i actually came in here to talk to you." i'm in trouble now. what did i do? she pulls out a business card and said she was from the des moines women's rugby team and they saw me walk by and thought i would be good at running and hitting people. i asked a few questions and she took me out to meet the captain or something who when she saw me she said "that's our girl!" they asked me to hang out, but i said my party was probably about ready to leave (little did i know we were going to be there another hour).

so i made it back to the old people's table by the door and shared my story ... the guys decided i needed to bulk up (like 120 pounds which i thought would just be flabby not bulky) and the women thought it would have been super funny if i would have went to the bathroom with my mom or if the rugby girls would leave and see me sitting at a table with my parents and their friends and perhaps they would rethink their decision to invite me to play. it was interesting ... if it was in ames instead of des moines i think i would actually think about it.

all in all we had a blast. we all agreed 1. it was a bit quieter in that place when my bro took them there at noon 2. we should do this more often (and i reminded them not to forget the young one when they planned the next outing) 3. none of us had laughed that much in quite some time and we were due for a good laugh

another big decision

so it's official. i decided to switch churches. i can't decide if it was as hard of a decision as quitting my job in omaha and moving back to ames or not, but it sure makes it to the top of the list of hard decisions in my life. and perhaps making the decision won't be as hard as living with the decision that i made in the months to come... but i made it and that's that. i never wanted to be a statistic of those churches that gain new members simply by having people move back and forth between churches instead of having new people come to know and love Jesus, but i guess that statistic is deeper than i once thought. there's a why behind each of those people perhaps. the fear is still i don't really know if it will be better in this church than in the last. but i do know that something's gotta change. i just can't do it anymore. after being involved in this church for most of 5 years and wrestling with it for 2 perhaps enough is enough. God used it to teach me a lot over the years ... it gave me a solid foundation of the theology of the gospel and the biblical basis for mission it connected me with stellar people that i am so grateful for still am to this day!! it challenged me to be baptized sent me overseas gave me opportunities to lead bible studies of college gals there are many reasons to leave ... and perhaps many to stay. so i'm in need of prayer. more so now than perhaps ever before (or at least i am realizing my need now more than ever before). ask questions if you like... there's been lots of tears shed and wrestling with thoughts and emotions for what seems like a very long time.

true spirituality

good quotes from francis schaeffer's true spirituality ...

"the important thing about being born spiritually is to live"

"we do not come to true spirituality or the true christian life merely by keeping a list, but neither do we come to it merely by rejecting the list and then shrugging our shoulders and living a looser life"

"love is internal, not external. there can be external manifestations, but love itself will always be an internal factor"

"...desire becomes sin when it fails to include love of God or men. ... I am to love God enough to be contented; second i am to love men enough not to envy"

"contented and yet fighting evil" (wow challenging!)

"if the contentment goes and the giving of thanks goes, we are not loving God as we should, and proper desire has become coveting against God. This inward area is the first place of loss of true spirituality. the outward is always just a result of it"

"our death by choice in the present life ... is the saying no to self when our natural selves would desire acceptance by the alien world- a world in revolt against its creator and our lord"

" ... forgetting the fall is the fall" (yep ... i often forget that we live in a fallen world until Jesus returns... and that just complicates life)

"we wait for the resurrection of the body. we wait for the perfect application of the finished work of christ of the whole man. we wait for this, but on this side of the fall, and before christ comes, we must not insist on 'perfection or nothing' or we will end with nothing"

"prayer is always to be seen as a person-to-person communication, not merely a devotional exercise. indeed, when prayer becomes only a devotional exercise, it is no longer biblical prayer"

"the command is to love him, not just think about him, or do things for him. we are not to stop with a proper legal relationship-for example, to think of a man as legally lost, which he is, in the sight of a holy God-without thinking of him as a person. saying this, we can suddenly see that much evangelism is not only sub-christian, but subhuman-legalistic and impersonal."

"it is not wrong to be right, but it is wrong to have the wrong attitude in being right"

"my relationship with my fellowmen must always be personal. if i really love a man as i love myself, i will long to see him be what he could be on the basis of christ's work, for that is what i want or what i should want for myself on the basis of christ's work"

"christianity is not to love in abstraction, but to love the individual who stands before me in a person-to-person relationship. he must never be faceless to me or i am denying everything i say i believe. this concept will always involve some cost. it is not a cheap thing, because we live in a fallen world, and we ourselves are fallen"

"but for the christian, who does not need to have everything in human relationships, human relationships can be beautiful"

"the church is not a body that thinks up ideas; the church is a declarative statement of what God has revealed concerning himself in the scripture. ... the church should represent the supernaturally restored human race in reality"

"yes, faith can be taught, but only by exhibition"

"methods are as important as its message"

"there is no use talking of these things abstractly, without bringing them down to the real place where the battles are fought"

"we are commanded not only to meet together, but to help each other."

well perhaps i got carried away but there's so many more good quotes in this book. one that has really been hitting home for me is if i am insisting on perfection or nothing i will get nothing. wow. i recommend it whole heartedly. the moment i got done reading it i started it again ...