body or mind?

lately work has made me think about whether it is better to beat my body or beat my mind. seems perhaps like a crazy thought ... and maybe stretching both body and mind are good ... but i am reminded of working at the udcc (dining service) and also working in a kitchen at camp and how i was physically exhausted when i was done. but i enjoyed it. it felt good. in omaha at mcd, and now here at isu i have found myself in jobs that are mentally draining. not as if it's good or bad, i'm just experiencing a different kind of ehaustion than i'm used to. sometimes 8 hours flies by ... and other times it seems to take forever.

so working in an academic setting is beating my poor little brain . . .

football

oh i forgot to say i really enjoyed the superbowl and i think i freaked out my parents and bro's in-laws because i yelled so loud a few times. i used to not allow myself to enjoy football very much because it didn't fit into the christian bubble very well. but hey, i enjoy it and it's ok!

what does it look like to be a Christ follower today?

so as i fumble around in this new stage of life i often wonder what in the world it's supposed to look like to be a gospel centered christian in ames, ia in 2009 working at isu. ever since a little over a year ago i feel like everything in my heart and head was ripped out and thrown into a game of 52 card pick up... leaving me confused as i pick up the pieces and sort through everything i have known and believed for so long...somethings i learned from the inside out (by God's transformational grace) and others from the outside in (by trying really hard to clean myself of sin from the outside-ps doesn't work).

another lesson from a bob thune sermon ... not like he's God, but God speaks to me through him in a cool way ... convicting and yet encouraging. it was a sermon that asked the question what went wrong with christianity? instead of living like a real biblical follower of Christ ... christians have tried to christanize this culture. make them have good morals or something. and what do we do? we either slip into a christian bubble with our christian music and movies and friends ... or we hang out and live life so no one can see there is a difference between someone of the world or someone belonging to the kingdom of God. what happened?? somewhere along the line we all forgot the gospel... the repentance from sin that's needed and the power He gives to enable us to change.

what do i need to repent of? what do i need power to change?

how can i be distinct, but not disconnected?

it's interesting to think about this stuff now ... i think God's been trying to teach me this and He put it into words tonight as i ran and listened to a sermon. the past few weeks i have been so conflicted about what i'm doing in a job that seems to have little eternal significance? how can this job seem to fit so well? how can it be so clear that this job was given to be by God? how is it possible that God would want me here researching about baby pigs instead of loving and serving homeless people in downtown omaha? and it just became a tiny bit clearer that i need a little help getting out of a christian bubble ... because i can't seem to get myself out of it alone ... and that's not the way it's intended to be. oh the grace and mercy of God is so sweet and gospel so beautiful!

"by your side" -tenth avenue north

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)




woot woot aye?

faith

been thinking about faith lately ... and how small mine really is. i listened to this sermon the other day which described faith as banking on the promises of God. ... like really trusting in them to the point that my actions and decisions declare them to be true. as i stumble around in what seems like transition after transition, sometimes i feel like this isn't how it was supposed to ... or why does He give and then take away ... or am i really in the right place ... or what's the future hold for me. seems so silly because if i trust He is who He is there wouldn't be anxiety or bitterness or fear or anger.

He loves me
He is good
He works all things for the good of those who love Him
He started sanctifying me and He won't stop-and how great is it that He transforms every part ... even the very depths of my heart and emotions
He is in control and can see the whole picture instead of the tiny part i can see
i dont have to have it all figured out ... and it will still be ok
He has the desire and the power to make things work out for His glory ... even if it's not the way i think He is most glorified
He provides all i need ... even relationally
and the list goes on .........

oh that He would increase my faith

a job or beyond

i got to go to a seminar today at work ... evidently every friday from 4-5 there's a seminar for anyone in the animal science department. i was surrounded by professors and grad students listening to this prof about a genetic line of hogs that are more feed efficient than most. it made me think a lot about what i want from ... this job has a lot of potential if i want it. it could just be a job or it could lead into grad school and beyond. perhaps i don't need to know now but it all makes me wonder ...

what do i want?
what does God think about the word success?
why would i want to go above and beyond?
do i want to make a name for myself?
is it something i will enjoy?
what does it mean to glorify God at work?
does this have eternal significance?
perhaps it's not so black and white ... so what does that look like?

i guess it's good that i don't have to have it all figured out ... but sometimes i'd like to.

healthy community

for the first time in awhile i actually have the desire to be in deep, intimate relationships again. beautiful! ever since i saw some of my college friends over christmas break (and perhaps ever since i graduated in may) i have been in a mood that makes me want to lock myself in my room and hope that somehow time would reverse and all would be the same as it was in college. in the back of my mind i was like ... perhaps i should hang out with people because it can't be good to live without people ... but i couldn't really convince myself why i would want to hang out with people and have them try to fill the void of my old community. i listened to this sermon on healthy community and God used it to change my thinking a bit ... not that it won't be hard to continue transitioning out of college and into this next phase of life, but it was encouraging and convicting all at the same time. ... i love it when that happens.

if you want to listen to it it's called "healthy community" at http://www.cdomaha.com/resources_list.php?catid=mostrecent. (oh and under the category "The God Who Is" the one about Free Will is one of my favorites).

the sermon points out two unhealthy places we can be in with community ... 1. we are not responsible at all for our own sins because the community around us is responsible 2. we are not to help bear the burdens of others at all. unfortunately i am familiar with both places.

it's not just nice to live together in community, it's part of the gospel to live in community. the gospel shapes a community where we are all individually responsible for our own sin, but we are also to be interacting at a level where we know what is really going on in the lives of others and we are in a journey with to gently walk through sin with each other. we are all in the same boat and it's sinking fast. it's sad but true that we fall into comparision instead of realizing that we all have sin but it just manifests itself differently in different people. the sermon mentioned how comparision kills community ... instead of remembering how we need to remember that we are all in deep need of Jesus and all that i have and am is a gift from God. comparing myself to Jesus is good ... and to others is bad. :)

i think it makes me excited to step out of the closet and into community (even if it looks different and isn't with the same people as it has been in the past) because that's the way it's intended by God to be. that's how He transforms us ... into healthy community. healthy community is what the gospel creates!

check out the life of Jesus too!! ... Jesus bore my burden on the cross and He bore His own load by living in full obedience to God!

hopefully people hear the gospel proclaimed AND see it played out in community.

i think life is so much more about Him transforming our hearts to be who we are intended to be instead of us trying really hard to become what we were intended to be. oh the beauty of the gospel! All glory to God