perfection

perfection ... is a word i wrestle with and come back to over and over again. God wants total obedience in every commandment with all my heart, soul, mind, actions, emotions, words, ... and yet romans 3 says we all fall short. so maybe the end goal is still total obedience ... but the means is different than trying harder ... maybe it's having our hearts be transformed and become the kind of person who actually obeys from the heart. (http://www.cdomaha.com/resources_list.php?catid=2)

or maybe it's that perfection isn't absolute http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2005/1307_Imperfect_Love_Fulfills_the_Law_and_Pleases_the_PerfectionDemanding_God/ AND http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/1995/4282_Doing_Well_and_Doing_Better/ )

i'm just not sure ... because i'm supposed to have grace and love and hope for change under the gospel (i mean Jesus didn't die for nothing) ... and i guess i have grace and love and hope for change when i fail at having grace for myself or when i respond poorly to my mistakes or when i beat myself up for what i've done wrong. sometimes i think it would just be better if i got it right the first time. but since i know it won't be that way i wish i could be okay with me making mistakes .... and i wish i could realize that that's just how life goes. it just always boggles my mind. i get so dissatisfied with certain things i do or how i respond in situations ... but at this rate will i ever be satisfied? is it good and right to be satisfied with where i'm at and who i am becoming? we are still supposed to kill sin and be distinct from the world. why have divorce rates be the same inside the church as outside? why are nonbelievers often more open and honest? oh the double edged sword of dissatisfaction!

any thoughts ...

i found this interesting ...

If it ain't broke, don't fix it... but if it is - FIX IT!

Albert Einstein once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

this is a blog about youth groups ... i thought it was interesting so i wanted to share it with you all ...

http://keithwatson.blogspot.com/2010/04/culture-of-youth-groups-and-church_20.html

are we really gospel centered?

just walked out of church ... feeling condemned and on the verge of tears once again. for the most part it was a good sermon. a sermon about how the discussion about homosexuality is essential, explosive, and complicated. most christians are labeled haters of homosexuals, judgement, or hypocritical ... not something that reflects Jesus' heart at all. we discussed that one purpose of sex is that it would point to God but because of sin everything is all messed up and often sex doesn't point to God in our culture. sooner or later the worst thing could happen ... He could let us have our way in our love for sin. so what does Jesus' church have to offer all who struggle with homosexuality or anything sexual really (which is probably all people on this planet)? one sexual sin isn't any worse than any other ... it just manifests itself in different ways.

what Jesus offers ....

1. love

2. grace

3. community

4. hope for healing and change

5. self denial (denying some of our urges and desires knowing that God always has the best in mind for us)

and the question that still puzzles me is why did i walk out feeling condemned when i don't struggle with homosexual attraction and why do i feel condemned when there is no condemnation in christ Jesus? why did i walk out swimming in romans 7 without reaching romans 8? if one sin isn't any worse than any other do we have grace and love and hope for healing and change for the critical, judgmental, hypocritical, homosexual hater? or should we condemn them instead of homosexuals? i feel like my heart is so evil ... black and wicked! i feel like i haven't really done the greatest job loving people who have sin that is different than mine (or really just loving people at all)... is there grace and love and hope for change for me? if Jesus offers grace and love and hope to the homosexual he will also offer it to:

the person i have a hard time loving

me when i have a hard time loving that person

the churches that aren't so gospel centered

me when i my heart is angry at those churches

there is love and grace and hope for change because by God's grace our black wicked ugly sinful hearts can be transformed and made new! i pray that the gospel would be on the tip of our tongues, the forefront of our minds, and the depths of our hearts. and i pray that the love and grace and hope for change would create worship. such a beautiful thing ... how do we think we can survive without it? make us gospel centered God!