prayer and temperament

our staff is looking at this book about prayer and temperament ... they are pretty big on myers-briggs personality tests. so anyway ... this book talks about how different personality types connect with God in prayer differently. i kinda came in late to the discussion since they started it before i started working at MCD, but it was interesting to learn about. so often in the christian life i look at "really good christians" and think they've got it all figured out ... but when i try to mimic them it doesn't turn out the way i hoped and dreamed. we are all individual and unique ... and so are our relationships with God. so you should all google prayer and temperament ... and smile when you see i'm thomistic because i'm pretty sure im an intj.

ive been thinking about some interesting things about faith too, but it's really jumbled in my head now so you will have to wait for a later blog on that ... :)

good thing He is faithful when i am not

i was walking home from the ymca to see if i can get some financial aid to assist my purchasing of a membership when a guy drew me in for a yard sale. i met ricky and samantha. i was excited to tell him he had the same name as my dad ... and he thought we could be next to kin because of it. the family resemblance was just amazing ... other than my whiteness. i really liked them ... even though it was a short conversation. i noticed his shirt though ... which i never really do. it had something about y2k and jesus. instantly i was curious ... does he really believe jesus or did he just get this cheap shirt somewhere? what does he know of jesus? but .................... i just went on talking about lameo stuff...shallow and surfacey. what causes that? what fear do i have? he offered to walk me home and bjo would be proud that i turned him down. as i was walking home i began to pray and beg God that i would see them again and be able to talk to them. today joleen came into my room and asked me to pray for some stuff. it kinda shocked me that she would ask me to pray, but it was kinda cool too. in church today i wrote on the side of my sermon notes "i suck at living missionally." the good news is ... He loves me and has grace for me and is transforming me and His kingdom will come whether i "mess it up" or not. as He teaches me more about the beauty of the gospel and the goodness of the good news i am understanding this whole thing about sharing it a little bit more.

sanctification is truly by grace alone

ideas are flying, so much for sleep ... i imagine myself as a small child. my parent gets me all dressed and cleaned up and the moment i walk out the door i fall and scrape my knee and get my nice clean outfit all dirty. He doesn't get mad ... He picks me up and washes me off. It feels good to be rid of all the dirt, but the little pieces of dirt and pebbles stuck in my knee hurt as He takes them out ... and it stings as He washes the wounds...and healing takes time. but it's all out of love. He'll patiently take care of everything ... even if it has to hurt a little ... even if i fall again ... even if i fight Him because it hurts

some things seem so elementary ... and yet i can have joy that He is teaching me at all. no matter when it happens ... and i can be assured that it's not by my own knowledge and study skills, but by God transforming my heart and mind, that i am understanding little by little this gospel that i probably will never fully comprehend until i see Him face to face.

when they say Jesus is the only way .... they mean it

an amazing thing just happened... my mind was racing and sin was consuming me and wearing me out and overwhelming me ... and i was like how do i make it stop!?!? ... just believe already! and by God's grace i started choosing to believe truth. truth that he washes me clean. totally clean. and there's no other way ... but oh how great and beautiful it is that he washes me clean. i pictured Jesus washing my feet (i don't know why i just did)...and thinking oh how i don't deserve this but thank you so much. ususally the "oh i don't deserve it" is so overpowering that i miss the "oh thank you so much." i tasted joy. thank you for the gospel. thank you that sin doesn't have to hold me down. what joy is found at the foot of the cross! ... but not just me sitting there weeping .. but having Jesus with me, saving me, cleansing me, assuring me there is nothing to worry about and i am still loved ... and that i have nothing to prove. i don't have to prove i can cook ... so it's okay to bring sandwiches to mc. i don't have to prove i have it all figured out cuz i don't have it figured out (and no one else does either), but God does. there's only one way to escape condemnation! so why keep fighting? instead of drink it up? oh i want to taste the beauty of the gospel again and again.

what's the real problem?

In church we’ve been talking about objections to Christianity. The first week we talked about oppression and injustice and how some people think Christianity has been a vehicle to oppression and injustice. The thing is Christianity has (slavery, crusades, etc) but the problem isn’t with Christianity … the problem is with humanity. This becomes clearer when we look at other worldviews. The second week we looked at how many people think we can’t take the bible literally. Here again the problem is with humanity … not the bible. Some people are relying on their own authority … others get their info from a source that’s bigger than themselves….God. So then we come to my life …
I’m not super excited about my job right now. I sure wasn’t excited about Omaha at first … even though it’s getting better there are still many days I’d like to either shut the door to my room and cry or get in my car and drive home. How I long for comfort and ease … and knowing what I should do and how I should spend my days. But the problem isn’t with Omaha or the people here … the problem isn’t even with my job…. The problem is my heart. Bjo kindly reminded me about heart idols of control and comfort and approval … and something else I don’t remember but probably have that one too. A small part of me was excited that God was pushing some of this to the surface … but the rest of me still doesn’t like my job … and still doesn’t like not fitting in … and still doesn’t like not having everything all figured out. And the thing is I am not guaranteed to ever like my job (I keep slapping the word yet on the end of all my sentences, but who knows right?) or Omaha … I’m not guaranteed to have a life that’s easy or comfortable or have everything under control. I’m still called to work hard … for His glory. I’m still called to fight to believe truth and hold tight to trusting in Him. Oh how ugly my heart is and how a transition makes the ugliness so much clearer. Now here I am once again … begging for mercy from the only One who can save me from my sins … Jesus

MDC

I thought i would share some pics of where i work with you all :) If you are ever in the neighborhood come say hi!!

the feelings of missing people and of gratitude and love ...

i've been looking at pictures and seeing people ... not just as people .. but like more than that because there's relationship and time invested and lives shared ... and growth and hard times and fun times ... pics of friends and pics of me ... pics of people who have intersected my life in the past four years. there's something about this whole relationship thing ... i have so much to learn but i think working at Mosaic can't hurt the process. i'm not in love with this job yet ... or this city ... but looking back on how God has moved in the past gives me hope for the future