i was journaling last night. it was good. lately it hasn't been good, but it was good. perhaps because God will teach when you listen. unfortunately it doesn't happen often. not because He doesn't want to teach either. so i just started journaling about community and cornerstone and how i feel ... at first it was a lot of frustration at their lack of developing communities that are gospel centered and missional ... and then i was like ... did they really feed my legalism? my performance driven self? my duty instead of delight? my try harder instead of hope more? do i really blame cornerstone instead of my sinful nature? do i see myself at fault at all ... or am i just a victim? it's sad but true, but i often do blame them ... which (what's worse is) is actually somewhat blaming God. oh the ugliness of my heart!
did cornerstone not provide me with relationships and theological training for the past 5 years? and were they not used by God in my life as He transformed my heart? how could i be angry at them? it's true it's not good to worship cornerstone, but it's not good to blame them either. they are trying to seek Him. of course it's not perfect. it's a bunch of humans. are we waging the same war and i'm forgetting they are on my side? should i just fall in love with cornerstone now? no, but that's not the goal. i should fall in love with God. God can use cornerstone as a means ... even if it looks different than my box/formula of perfect.
the truth is He's in control and not me.
God has used crazy things in the past to sanctify my heart and He promises to carry me to completion. amen, huh?
1 comment:
amen.
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