Staycation

my family was throwing around some thoughts of going on a little vacation to a lake for labor day weekend ... but after thinking about it we decided that we could have just as much fun hanging out at the farm. we wouldn't have to split up like when the gals want to shop and the guys don't etc, and we could get by a bit cheaper since we wouldn't have to pay for housing (that was before the idea of t-shirts and our own personalized bags including all the supplies needed like sunscreen, bug repellent, frisbees, snacks, and whatever else we need for a fun time at the farm ... so we'll see what actually happens and if we actually save money or not). my dad was planning on tearing down our old tree house anyway so we decided to take it out and make the sandbox under it a fire pit. We also have a great place for camping ... so we'll see it might just me dad and me outside in a tent and the rest in the house (otherwise known as the "lodge"). so far i took pictures around the farm, made a brochure, and schedule of activities (including bonfires, grilling, lessons with grandma to make homemade cinnamon bread, frisbee golf, and lots of hanging out. it should be fun ... my parents and i were having fun anyway!

this is one sleeping option...

and here is another ... our windbreak makes a great campsite for tenting

my parents were pretty excited to get in on the cheesy pics!

our "treehouse" (no really in a tree, but that's what we call it) is soon to be transformed into a fire pit

it should be fun ... just hanging out with my parents, bros, sis-in-laws, aunts, and grandparents for a long weekend. it's official title is Forced Family Fun at the Chipman Family Dude Farm.

they're not perfect, but my heart is still involved

after a lot of thought and prayer i have decided to go back to cornerstone church. as i think about some of the reasons for leaving cornerstone in the first place 6 or so months ago i still think i will wrestle with some of them, but as i jumped into harvest i was challenged with truth that since we live in a fallen world there will be no perfect church... no matter how high my expectations are. this truth makes it hard for me not to be committed to the church that has invested in me for 5 years and where i have grown to be more attached than i once thought. where there was once bitterness and anger, there is now a longing to be involved and be praying for them and the leadership there. just because something is hard shouldn't mean i should just ditch it. i remember blogging about how i didn't want to be one of those stats of churches gaining numbers simply because people who already go to church change churches. i remember thinking that each one of those stats has a person behind it, a face, a story ... and this is mine. maybe there are times to leave, but there are times to stay as well. in both churches there are good and bad things ... the result of a place that loves Jesus, but is full of sinners. so why move from one dysfunctional family to the next? that is what i've been wrestling with and what has brought me to the decision to go back to cornerstone. part of me regrets the decision i made to leave cornerstone and go to harvest, but without jumping in with both feet to a different church how was i to learn valuable lessons of commitment and that there's no perfect church and that jumping around seeking satisfaction instead of digging deep in the problem and being part of the solution perhaps isn't the best solution? maybe it's less about finding the perfect church and more about jumping in and being the church. so if in the future while i'm still in ames i start thinking about leaving cornerstone ... you should call me up and make me sit down and think long and hard about it. not because they have it all together, but because they're my family ... and jesus is present there. if He has grace for them, how can i not?

family

so as many of my friends know i have this craving for community or family within my local church. i think the gospel births this longing, but when i went home this weekend a few of the dots were connected as i was reminded of the way i grew up in my family.

friday night ....

i picked liz up to go home with me since she had no where to go for the 4th of july

drove home (with a few detours to get across the flooded river)

finally got home

grilled, chatted, ate

our neighbor/employee borrowed our van for vacation in MN since their van broke down (and they had been working in our shop all evening)

saturday ...

got up

ran

chatted with my bro between chores

breakfast at the local coffee shop with liz, mom, and dad (where we chatted with the owner of the coffee shop, the mail man, a classmate from high school)

went to a shop and tasted lots of wine and chatted with the 8 people who own/hang out there

stopped by grandma's house to chat

hung out with my mom as she cooked lots of stuff for the festivities the next day

helped dad with some training directions for the farrowing house for a new employee

looked out the window to see small children playing on our swing set

mom and dad left for a class reunion ... so liz and i grabbed some chicken and an avocado for supper, made supper, ate supper, and watched live free or die hard

sunday ....

mom, dad, liz, and i drove to omaha to go to the church i went to when i lived there (and stopped by my aunt's house on the way there)

we ate brunch in the old market

went to my relatives house for a 40th anniversary party ... helped set up for it, chatted on the deck, took a walk around the lake, hung out with relatives i knew, met new relatives, included liz in the family pic, played frisbee with some little girls, my dad, and a pastor relative that we chatted about church planting with, packed up food to take home

watched fireworks

drove home (slept all the way home)

monday ...

woke up, ate, chatted with dad and my bro about farming stuff, chatted with mom about life and friends and facebook

helped mom make brownies for a church something something

got in on a phone call from the local feed supply place in harlan that ran short on soybean meal so asked if they could use ours and replace it tomorrow when it's not a holiday ... dad said sure

ate 1/2 a brownie ... so the pan went in with one missing

grilled, ate, thought about leaving but ....

planned a labor day family staycation instead

was going to leave around 1 but ...

my dad's cousin and his mom and granddaughter (who keeps her show sheep at our house) brought out cinnamon rolls that the granddaughter made to practice for fair ... which we had to stop everything, chat, and eat some!!

then we stopped by grandma again to chat, ended up with some brownies to take home

then we were ... on the road again

all in all a great family time!

it's already done

i've felt there's been a lack of rest in my life lately. i'm just restless. like it's not like i'm not sleeping 8 hours/night or resting on the weekends ... biking and taking long walks, listening to sermons and having fun ... but there's still something that's missing. like soul rest or something. it goes deeper than just not going to work.

unfortunately i'm the kind of person who ...

walks out of work and never got enough done... maybe i should stay late or come early

thinks i can do a ton of stuff and i must do a ton of stuff to grow

gets nervous that in the future i just might fall off the edge and stop growing

is never satisfied, always on a mission, and never does enough

in the past day or two it's really sinking in that ya there's a lot of change to be made in my life, but all that needs to be done to make those changes happen is already done. i can't do anything to make God love me more ... or less than he already does. to grow more or less. IT IS FINISHED. Jesus died on the cross and now i have his righteousness and not my own. he saved me and he will sanctify me in the same way... by grace. Jesus plus nothing. fruit is gradual, inevitable, organic for those who have the spirit. he is in control and not me. he wants my good more than i do ... and he has the power to do it.

cease striving!

the greatest thing is knowing and believing and living in the truth that i have nothing to prove. freedom! joy! rest. soul rest. (and how great is it that he is going to grow me in this area! cuz that's just how great our God it)

perfection

perfection ... is a word i wrestle with and come back to over and over again. God wants total obedience in every commandment with all my heart, soul, mind, actions, emotions, words, ... and yet romans 3 says we all fall short. so maybe the end goal is still total obedience ... but the means is different than trying harder ... maybe it's having our hearts be transformed and become the kind of person who actually obeys from the heart. (http://www.cdomaha.com/resources_list.php?catid=2)

or maybe it's that perfection isn't absolute http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2005/1307_Imperfect_Love_Fulfills_the_Law_and_Pleases_the_PerfectionDemanding_God/ AND http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/1995/4282_Doing_Well_and_Doing_Better/ )

i'm just not sure ... because i'm supposed to have grace and love and hope for change under the gospel (i mean Jesus didn't die for nothing) ... and i guess i have grace and love and hope for change when i fail at having grace for myself or when i respond poorly to my mistakes or when i beat myself up for what i've done wrong. sometimes i think it would just be better if i got it right the first time. but since i know it won't be that way i wish i could be okay with me making mistakes .... and i wish i could realize that that's just how life goes. it just always boggles my mind. i get so dissatisfied with certain things i do or how i respond in situations ... but at this rate will i ever be satisfied? is it good and right to be satisfied with where i'm at and who i am becoming? we are still supposed to kill sin and be distinct from the world. why have divorce rates be the same inside the church as outside? why are nonbelievers often more open and honest? oh the double edged sword of dissatisfaction!

any thoughts ...

i found this interesting ...

If it ain't broke, don't fix it... but if it is - FIX IT!

Albert Einstein once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

this is a blog about youth groups ... i thought it was interesting so i wanted to share it with you all ...

http://keithwatson.blogspot.com/2010/04/culture-of-youth-groups-and-church_20.html

are we really gospel centered?

just walked out of church ... feeling condemned and on the verge of tears once again. for the most part it was a good sermon. a sermon about how the discussion about homosexuality is essential, explosive, and complicated. most christians are labeled haters of homosexuals, judgement, or hypocritical ... not something that reflects Jesus' heart at all. we discussed that one purpose of sex is that it would point to God but because of sin everything is all messed up and often sex doesn't point to God in our culture. sooner or later the worst thing could happen ... He could let us have our way in our love for sin. so what does Jesus' church have to offer all who struggle with homosexuality or anything sexual really (which is probably all people on this planet)? one sexual sin isn't any worse than any other ... it just manifests itself in different ways.

what Jesus offers ....

1. love

2. grace

3. community

4. hope for healing and change

5. self denial (denying some of our urges and desires knowing that God always has the best in mind for us)

and the question that still puzzles me is why did i walk out feeling condemned when i don't struggle with homosexual attraction and why do i feel condemned when there is no condemnation in christ Jesus? why did i walk out swimming in romans 7 without reaching romans 8? if one sin isn't any worse than any other do we have grace and love and hope for healing and change for the critical, judgmental, hypocritical, homosexual hater? or should we condemn them instead of homosexuals? i feel like my heart is so evil ... black and wicked! i feel like i haven't really done the greatest job loving people who have sin that is different than mine (or really just loving people at all)... is there grace and love and hope for change for me? if Jesus offers grace and love and hope to the homosexual he will also offer it to:

the person i have a hard time loving

me when i have a hard time loving that person

the churches that aren't so gospel centered

me when i my heart is angry at those churches

there is love and grace and hope for change because by God's grace our black wicked ugly sinful hearts can be transformed and made new! i pray that the gospel would be on the tip of our tongues, the forefront of our minds, and the depths of our hearts. and i pray that the love and grace and hope for change would create worship. such a beautiful thing ... how do we think we can survive without it? make us gospel centered God!