so i had an interview today with dr. patience for this research assistant job. since he's new he didn't know all the details, but is just finding out what the hiring process looks like ... he said if it's up to him he'd hire me today, but it just can't work like that. he has to
1. post the job opening on the ISU employment website
2. it has to be on the web 15 days
3. interview any/all qualified applicants (yes i will be interviewed again)
4. then hire! (jan 15ish by the time it's all done)
the good news is he wants to hire me ... and is going to write the job description tailored to my experiences and stuff ... (i think all but the short and blond part)
the bad news is i still have to WAIT ... and there is a possibility that someone more qualified could apply. he could choose me, but if there's someone more qualified it would be questioned why that person wasn't hired.
so all said and done ... my future is still unknown ... but in the hands of the sovereign God -and He can do as He pleases
TO BE CONTINUED
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
job hunting ... or not so hunting part 1
so quitting my job and moving in with sylvia in ames leaves me ... unemployed. funny how that works huh? it's actually been a good break ... fun times hanging out learning what it means to be a friend, times at home with family, thinking and reading and discovering more about myself, and hunting for jobs. but perhaps the word HUNT doesn't apply for this story. sylvia's dad knows this animal science prof (ya ya works out well since i have an animal science degree) at iowa state. so when they ran into each other in a stationary biking class at the gym, her dad got his name and info for me. i called and set up an appointment to chat with dr. timms ... a dairy prof. so i don't know much about dairy ... it's interesting and would like to know more, but don't. i didn't even know he was a dairy guy until i met him. the conversation went kinda like this ...
timms: so i don't have any positions, but getting a job is all about networking and knowing people, so i thought i could help
me: cool, thanks
timms: how did you get here?
me: [long story mentioning fort dodge, home, story city, omaha, homelessness, grant writing, etc]
timms: what are you interested in ... i could read your resume, but you can tell me instead
me: swine
timms: really?
me: i'd like to get experience before i possibly pursue a masters in swine disease research or swine nutrition
timms: really?
me: ya
timms: if you could pick between lab work, farm work or grant writing what would you pick?
me: um, probably none if i have to do them 40 hours/week for the rest of my life
timms: so you like all of them?
me: ya
timms: do you want to meet dr. john patience?
me: sure
timms: ok let's go now
so we went up a floor and walked in to the office. this amazing lady who was the secretary in the office of the prof i worked for a couple years ago was sitting at the desk. how fun!! she was totally like "is this the girl interested in the position?!?!" ya it was fun. so john patience ... he's a new prof working with swine nutrition, looking for an assistant to help him in the lab, on the farm, and potentially with some grants in the future. he's also willing to work with the person to start grad classes in a few years. WHAT?!?! so i chatted with him ... and was like "either this job was created for me or i was created for this job." he was ready to hire, but was taking off for thanksgiving and some business for two weeks. he flies into des moines at 3.30 dec 5th and was even willing to interview me for real as soon as he gets back to ames friday. we decided waiting until monday was just fine ... and then he could get some more details about the position ironed out. hence the title ... part 1 ... monday at 2.30 i have an interview. we'll see what happens ... God is good and will provide either way ... but wouldn't it be cool if he provided in this way??
timms: so i don't have any positions, but getting a job is all about networking and knowing people, so i thought i could help
me: cool, thanks
timms: how did you get here?
me: [long story mentioning fort dodge, home, story city, omaha, homelessness, grant writing, etc]
timms: what are you interested in ... i could read your resume, but you can tell me instead
me: swine
timms: really?
me: i'd like to get experience before i possibly pursue a masters in swine disease research or swine nutrition
timms: really?
me: ya
timms: if you could pick between lab work, farm work or grant writing what would you pick?
me: um, probably none if i have to do them 40 hours/week for the rest of my life
timms: so you like all of them?
me: ya
timms: do you want to meet dr. john patience?
me: sure
timms: ok let's go now
so we went up a floor and walked in to the office. this amazing lady who was the secretary in the office of the prof i worked for a couple years ago was sitting at the desk. how fun!! she was totally like "is this the girl interested in the position?!?!" ya it was fun. so john patience ... he's a new prof working with swine nutrition, looking for an assistant to help him in the lab, on the farm, and potentially with some grants in the future. he's also willing to work with the person to start grad classes in a few years. WHAT?!?! so i chatted with him ... and was like "either this job was created for me or i was created for this job." he was ready to hire, but was taking off for thanksgiving and some business for two weeks. he flies into des moines at 3.30 dec 5th and was even willing to interview me for real as soon as he gets back to ames friday. we decided waiting until monday was just fine ... and then he could get some more details about the position ironed out. hence the title ... part 1 ... monday at 2.30 i have an interview. we'll see what happens ... God is good and will provide either way ... but wouldn't it be cool if he provided in this way??
Thursday, December 4, 2008
cookie day
cookie day was great this year. i don't think we made as many cookies, but we had more people than normal. funny how that works. maybe it's because everyone got a big kick out of wii ... even grandpa. it was super great to watch people!! playing wii in the living room even forced dad and grandpa into the kitchen to watch college football on the tiny tv. dad and adam stopped working at noon for lunch (well actually at 2, but close enough) ... i don't think they touched cookie baking, but it made for a relaxing day. sometimes i'm not big on traditions, but this whole getting family together has been amazing lately. so it's fun to laugh and chill and be with people. .... and enjoy life.
and if you want some cookies ... we have a few :)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
ok ... tough decision
so i quit my job and i'm moving back to ames ... some people are asking what? why? when? how did that happen?? so i thought i'd try to lay it out here. not as if everyone has to get it or has to agree, but here it is ...
over the past couple months i've been working at mosaic community development in omaha, nebraska as an americorps vista (think peace corp in america). i came into a nonprofit with 6 other people passionate about serving the poor and homeless relationally with the end goal of sharing the gospel and bring holistic healing in people's lives. sounds really great ... is really great, but earlier this year they restructured all their programs ... a good thing, but from my opinion they weren't ready to hire someone for my position. i came on as the grant writer and fund raiser. i didn't know what i was doing, but was slowly learning. the goal would be to raise enough funds that sometime in the future they can pay staff instead of using vistas who are young and inexperienced. the more i got into it, the more i realized maybe this isn't the right place for me. i'm continuing on this journey of learning about emotions and what it means that God gave me passions and desires and made me unique. i started looking back in my past and seeing how i never make decisions based on what i want or what i'm passionate about but rather on what i should do to be a good christian. it's hard to explain because it's been a long journey of living and learning throughout years. maybe i'll just add some journaling i've done in the last couple of days.... (there's a lot and maybe it doesn't all make sense, but i made a decision and hold tightly to the promises that i am deeply loved by God and He will continue to sanctify me no matter where i am or what i do)
why do i want to quit? maybe i don't fit (like God given talents and the way he wired me and who he created me to be and figuring that out ... following my heart ... like the one he's transforming hopefully, not the one that's sinful), too much ambiguity, thinking it was stupid for them to hire me
why don't i want to quit? community (it's already started and i don't want to start over-he gave and he's going to take away and i'm not ready for it), learning new stuff from God (hopefully that will happen anywhere i'm at ... not like a nonprofit or overseas if more holy), pushing through challenging stuff (glory to me not to Him), not being a quiter (reputation), having a good reference (reputation), not looking bad, not saying no to christian, it's hard (but the next could be hard too)
so ........my heart's desire is to quit. trust in the lord and he will give the desires of your heart... is this way out of context?? when else have a felt something this deeply and done it and it was good ... or not done it and it was bad. funny thing is i don't remember many (any) times where my heart's desire was this strong and i actually listened. so manytimes i'm like oh i should do this and try harder and make myself fit into a box and stuff ... and it's always turned out with less joy and more wrestling with duty not delight and prideful thinking wiht oh i should be here because it's holier and stuff like that.
something that unfortunately sounds so disney like .. following your heart. because the whole bob's talk about free will and how i'm free to do good because myheart is changed instead of having a free will to choose good ... i am unable to choose good without the changed heart behind it. i can't force myself to do good. so the deep desires of my heart ... and what it would look like to actually follow them. instead of fight against them "in the name of obedience and doing God's will". what does it look like to lay down self will?? is that more in character and not vocation?? but i feel like it all has to change. but if thinking missions overseas or nonprofits here is better because i'm being more obedient is really going down a wrong prideful path. and everyone can't be overseas ... and everyone can't be in nonprofits or pastor or in college ministry ... thjat would not be the ideal we strive for. so ... is it then ok to "follow your heart's desires" for example ... go into some science field and be a transformed new creation and live missionally at work and in the neighborhood. what about the word intention???
what about being intentional and strategic in life and living missionally??? i feel like these are good things ... i went on a summer training for overseas missions and they kinda "brainwashed" us (if i can use the word) that if you don't go overseas to an unreached people group you are disobeying the bible. they hate individual calling ... and biblically back up how we are all called ... and we should go unless we have a specific call to stay. overseas mission is goood and important, but seems pretty prideful to say i'm obeying the bible better because i'm going overseas or something. that's kinda how lots of things have been in my life ... just figure out what's the best way to obey ... and do it whether you like it or not. obedience is good and right ... that's the tricky part ... but God also made us emotional beings ... which i have pretty much disregarded most of my life.
i've done so many things and never "listened to my heart" (sounds so disney ish) because it's all been more about obedience and trying to figure out everything logically and what's the best. it's always been try harder to be who God wants me to be (some unattainable idealistic person) instead of being who he created me to be. i don't know if that makes any sense ... but i've had the attitude of who really cares what i want because it's about what God wants .... not realizing/believing that God gave me wants and passions and desires. and i don't know what that looks like ... but the whole round peg in a square hole really resonated with me. maybe i'm more free to do what i want ... i don't really know how the whole denying self and not being self centered thing fits with this and all.
over the past couple months i've been working at mosaic community development in omaha, nebraska as an americorps vista (think peace corp in america). i came into a nonprofit with 6 other people passionate about serving the poor and homeless relationally with the end goal of sharing the gospel and bring holistic healing in people's lives. sounds really great ... is really great, but earlier this year they restructured all their programs ... a good thing, but from my opinion they weren't ready to hire someone for my position. i came on as the grant writer and fund raiser. i didn't know what i was doing, but was slowly learning. the goal would be to raise enough funds that sometime in the future they can pay staff instead of using vistas who are young and inexperienced. the more i got into it, the more i realized maybe this isn't the right place for me. i'm continuing on this journey of learning about emotions and what it means that God gave me passions and desires and made me unique. i started looking back in my past and seeing how i never make decisions based on what i want or what i'm passionate about but rather on what i should do to be a good christian. it's hard to explain because it's been a long journey of living and learning throughout years. maybe i'll just add some journaling i've done in the last couple of days.... (there's a lot and maybe it doesn't all make sense, but i made a decision and hold tightly to the promises that i am deeply loved by God and He will continue to sanctify me no matter where i am or what i do)
why do i want to quit? maybe i don't fit (like God given talents and the way he wired me and who he created me to be and figuring that out ... following my heart ... like the one he's transforming hopefully, not the one that's sinful), too much ambiguity, thinking it was stupid for them to hire me
why don't i want to quit? community (it's already started and i don't want to start over-he gave and he's going to take away and i'm not ready for it), learning new stuff from God (hopefully that will happen anywhere i'm at ... not like a nonprofit or overseas if more holy), pushing through challenging stuff (glory to me not to Him), not being a quiter (reputation), having a good reference (reputation), not looking bad, not saying no to christian, it's hard (but the next could be hard too)
so ........my heart's desire is to quit. trust in the lord and he will give the desires of your heart... is this way out of context?? when else have a felt something this deeply and done it and it was good ... or not done it and it was bad. funny thing is i don't remember many (any) times where my heart's desire was this strong and i actually listened. so manytimes i'm like oh i should do this and try harder and make myself fit into a box and stuff ... and it's always turned out with less joy and more wrestling with duty not delight and prideful thinking wiht oh i should be here because it's holier and stuff like that.
something that unfortunately sounds so disney like .. following your heart. because the whole bob's talk about free will and how i'm free to do good because myheart is changed instead of having a free will to choose good ... i am unable to choose good without the changed heart behind it. i can't force myself to do good. so the deep desires of my heart ... and what it would look like to actually follow them. instead of fight against them "in the name of obedience and doing God's will". what does it look like to lay down self will?? is that more in character and not vocation?? but i feel like it all has to change. but if thinking missions overseas or nonprofits here is better because i'm being more obedient is really going down a wrong prideful path. and everyone can't be overseas ... and everyone can't be in nonprofits or pastor or in college ministry ... thjat would not be the ideal we strive for. so ... is it then ok to "follow your heart's desires" for example ... go into some science field and be a transformed new creation and live missionally at work and in the neighborhood. what about the word intention???
what about being intentional and strategic in life and living missionally??? i feel like these are good things ... i went on a summer training for overseas missions and they kinda "brainwashed" us (if i can use the word) that if you don't go overseas to an unreached people group you are disobeying the bible. they hate individual calling ... and biblically back up how we are all called ... and we should go unless we have a specific call to stay. overseas mission is goood and important, but seems pretty prideful to say i'm obeying the bible better because i'm going overseas or something. that's kinda how lots of things have been in my life ... just figure out what's the best way to obey ... and do it whether you like it or not. obedience is good and right ... that's the tricky part ... but God also made us emotional beings ... which i have pretty much disregarded most of my life.
i've done so many things and never "listened to my heart" (sounds so disney ish) because it's all been more about obedience and trying to figure out everything logically and what's the best. it's always been try harder to be who God wants me to be (some unattainable idealistic person) instead of being who he created me to be. i don't know if that makes any sense ... but i've had the attitude of who really cares what i want because it's about what God wants .... not realizing/believing that God gave me wants and passions and desires. and i don't know what that looks like ... but the whole round peg in a square hole really resonated with me. maybe i'm more free to do what i want ... i don't really know how the whole denying self and not being self centered thing fits with this and all.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
twas the night before halloween ....
so this is the pumpkin i picked out from the random ones out on the front step
my very creative face
oops!
much better ...
oh happy pumpkin
joleen with her pumpkin
mazie
dog still without a name
this is tony ... joleen's son ... his turned out way cooler than mine, but can't win them all
so happy pumpkin carving to you all
this is tony ... joleen's son ... his turned out way cooler than mine, but can't win them all
so happy pumpkin carving to you all
(and if you know a better way to add pic to this thing you should let me in on the secret)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
the dog that greeted me when i got home
so i got home and there was a boston terrier there. no big deal ... my landlady has been talking about getting a dog since before i moved in... just so happened it actually happened when i was in ames. now, you would think since i have an animal science degree and all i would have been the most excited person ever to have a dog live with me and yet not pay for it or have a million responsibilities with it. well, my heart is full of sin ... even when it comes to cute dogs. he is cute and doesn't have a name yet, but then there's the drool and peeing on the carpet and shedding and dog food and dog smell and some pesky thing always wanting attention when i just want to be by myself and all... my initial reaction really made me think. is this the way i look at all relationships? or even my relationship with God? like oh it's dirty and messy and inconvenient ... instead of this is something to love and care for and enjoy spending time with and get emotionally attached to and take long walks with and stuff. what is wrong deep down in my heart when i see a dog as an annoyance instead of companion ... not as if everyone has to love dogs, but i used to. and now i have to be in the "right mood" to love dogs.
so we'll see how this goes ... i pray that God would use this as a teaching experience ... and that i would be teachable and excited for the journey God has me on.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
weak and wrong
happens as if i hate to be weak and i hate to be wrong. i love to be known as the farm girl or the rock climber who is strong and can help in whatever situation ... or the person who's strong enough to have it all together in life. i love studying and having the right answers ... in everything ... theology, chemistry, farm life ... okay so i'm far from having all the right answers in politics, but you can't know it all ... :)
reality is ... i am weak and wrong in all aspects of my life. it's quite a painful thing to realize and i have been coming back to it frequently ... i can't free myself from sin, i can't be good, i can't change my desires, or know what i'm doing at work or figure out everything the bible says or how to be a christian (if i did figure it out -which i can't-i wouldn't be able to achieve it), i can't love people, i don't have it all together, i'm far from knowing all the right answers, i do cry and cuss and desire to give up on this whole christian thing or quit work and throw in the towel, i get to the point of life seeming too hard and my solutions of tv, ice cream and sleep never solve anything.
and by the grace of God i must come back to His mercy and love. i am weak and wrong ... but His son dying is the only solution i've got ... so here i am begging for mercy once again. mercy that He would transform me and give me new desires...mercy because this is all so hard for my sinful nature to swallow and i am such a slow learner. praise God for His patience and love and mercy and that He alone has a solution to my problems.
sometimes (way more often that i'd like to admit) i find myself worshiping the law instead of God. but the law doesn't have power to save ... it only has power to show me my sin (and that it does) and my desperate need for Christ to save me. He is the only solution i have ... but it's a hopeful one! and perhaps that's where joy comes in ... this solution has hope - now if only i could remember this for more than a few minutes (good thing there's grace for that too)
reality is ... i am weak and wrong in all aspects of my life. it's quite a painful thing to realize and i have been coming back to it frequently ... i can't free myself from sin, i can't be good, i can't change my desires, or know what i'm doing at work or figure out everything the bible says or how to be a christian (if i did figure it out -which i can't-i wouldn't be able to achieve it), i can't love people, i don't have it all together, i'm far from knowing all the right answers, i do cry and cuss and desire to give up on this whole christian thing or quit work and throw in the towel, i get to the point of life seeming too hard and my solutions of tv, ice cream and sleep never solve anything.
and by the grace of God i must come back to His mercy and love. i am weak and wrong ... but His son dying is the only solution i've got ... so here i am begging for mercy once again. mercy that He would transform me and give me new desires...mercy because this is all so hard for my sinful nature to swallow and i am such a slow learner. praise God for His patience and love and mercy and that He alone has a solution to my problems.
sometimes (way more often that i'd like to admit) i find myself worshiping the law instead of God. but the law doesn't have power to save ... it only has power to show me my sin (and that it does) and my desperate need for Christ to save me. He is the only solution i have ... but it's a hopeful one! and perhaps that's where joy comes in ... this solution has hope - now if only i could remember this for more than a few minutes (good thing there's grace for that too)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
